Tuesday, November 4, 2008

I CAN'T BE BOVVERED


You know there is a perfectly good reason for me not writing anything for several weeks. Actually there is three reasons!
First of all I have to stop Dr. Wily (AGAIN!).
Secondly I have to search for my father who left me at the age of nineteen.
And finally I'm busy building a penis space rocket on a collision course with a giant toothed vagina which talkes.

Yes, this is probably the best time ever for all gamers out there waisting their lives in front of the computer or television. I've tried as best I can buying the least of games so that my social life doesn't go down the drain, but I failed.

Mega Man 9 is as awesome as games can come

First of all came the most anticipated game for me personally in years, Mega Man 9. The Mega Man series is probably one of the things from my childhood I remember the best. The simple 8-bit graphics and music, the ridiculous hard levels and the cheezy bosses. I wasted so many sunny days as a child trying to kill Dr. Wily.
I've lost count of how many games there are in total in the franchise, but that doesn't matter. The second game in the series is the only one I've truly enjoyed, and I've played it many times even in recent years. I even have the soundtrack on my iPod at all times for the sake of being geeky. The latter games actually stank. They updated the graphics, the music and the gameplay, but still they couldn't hold a candle to Mega Man 2.
When I first caught a glipse of Capcom's ninth installment in the main series I was blown away. They had gone gack to the glorious days of 8-bit orgasms which for me seemed the only way they could redeem the previous mistakes they've made.
I don't know what else to say. Mega Man 9 is probably one of the best games of all time. They've stripped away all unnecessary shit and boiled it down to a video games in it's purest form. It's ridicolously hard, the music is totally awesome and I just can't put in words how much I love it and recomend it.





LittleBigPlanet offers tons of fun for the creative gamer

Then came the unknown company Media Molecule out with one of the most inventive, cute and fun games of all time, LittleBigPlanet. When I first heard of it I did not know what to make of it. "So you make your own levels and share it with your friends? How can this possibly have any lasting appeal?"
Boy was I wrong! First of all you control this little stuffed toy, a sack boy. You can dress him anyway you want, and you run around levels collecting stickers and objects you can use to make levels of your own. The levels allready in the game are brilliant, and the tools you have at your disposal is the same tools Media Molecule used to design their levels. You can make anything, and it is easy once you get the hang of it. It sounds dull, I know, but I promise you it is the most entertaining game in years. It's fun alone, but it is ten times better playing it with a bunch of your friends.
Nintendo have Mario. Sega have Sonic. And Sony now finally got a mascot of their own, Sack Boy!





You and your best friend must try to survive the horrors of nuclear war

Finally Fallout 3 hit the shelves with the sound of fanboys gnashing of teeth in the distance. The first two Fallout were made by Black Isle Studios in the late ninetees. It never became properly known and is mostly overlooked on lists of the best games of all times. They were typical western rpg's set in a postapocalyptic America some years after the nuclear holocaust in 2077. The world on the other hand seemed stuck in the fifties era, full of cold war propaganda posters, Grease hairdo's and general fifties pop art.
I don't know the full story behind Black Isle but they sold the Fallout license to Bethesda Softworks which continued the series.
The first game never sold much, but the one's that got the game has turned in to ravishing fanboys that hated Fallout 3 from the day BI sold the license to Bethesda. I don't want to spoil anything of the story, but your born in Vault 101, a place where no one leaves and no one enters. When you're ninteen, your father escapes and the vault overseer goes crazy and starts killing people, you manage to escape and steps out in the scorching sun for the first time in your life. Now you're free to make your own destiny.
Suffice to say, I love the first two games and I had doubts about Bethesda taking over, but with Fallout 3 they have surely made one of the best rpg's to date.

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Friday, October 17, 2008

ACROSS THE UNIVERSE


Bergen International Film Festival (BIFF) will screen the spanking new Justice documentary, "Across The Universe" tuesday, October 21, 2008 at 10:30pm.
It's 65 norwegian funbucks a piece and here comes the best part: Bring your beer, tequila and napalm, cuz we're allowed to drink at the cinema that night. Yes, you heard me correctly. You can drink. In a cinema. In Norway.

This Justice documentary was directed by Romain Garvas, So-Me, and Justice, so you know it’s going to be crazy. And if this trailer is what’s to be expected this film will be one amazing thing to watch, there should be a warning label that says, “caution watching may cause severe envy or urges to become a rockstar”. Sex, guns, drugs, violence what more could you ask for.



Get your tickets here: BIFF

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Tuesday, October 14, 2008

HOLY SHIT THE ECONOMY IS FUCKED


And I crack corn and I don't care. I hope it won't affect me in any way cuz I can't live without my double cortado, my beer, my snus and my music. Let's use Norway's oil fund to prevent an economic collapse. But what do I know? I don't know shit about politics and money, so why do I even write about it? Because I wanted a cool headline for today.

I'm doing something I've been afraid of doing in this blog today. I'm gonna give you a new treat from my all time goddess Björk. The reason why I've restrained myself from doing it earlier is because I would snapped and made this blog into a Björk fansite. When it comes to her I simply can't restraint myself, so I'll try make this short and simple.

Björk has recorded again a new song with Radiohead singer Thom Yorke. Björk wrote the song called 'Naturra' as a protest against the Industrialization in Iceland. This single should be available from next week.

Nattura.info is also a website about the hotspots in Iceland.

It isn't the first time that Björk and Thom Yorke work together. Previously they recorded the song 'I've Seen It All'. This song can be found on the 'Dancer In The Dark' soundtrack.

The song features Thom Yorke wailing in the background and Brian Chippendale's extatic drumming on top of it all. It's a fan-fuckin-tastic track which I guess marks the end of the Volta era. Maybe she could buy Iceland now that it's on the verge of economic breakdown and become the queen of it? You see? My mind starts wandering already! I'll stop.

I've also taken some time to make a little collection of my favorite electric tracks at the moment. Some old, some new, but they're all good. I hope you'll enjoy them as much as I have.

  1. Annie - Heartbeat (MSTRKRFT Remix)
  2. Armand Van Helden - NYC Beat (GhettoRuckus Gets Lost In LA And Meets 3 Sexy Hookers Who Like KFC Edit)
  3. Boys Noize - And Down
  4. Britney Spears - Womanizer (Tommie Sunshine's 'Holy Shit, The Economy Is Fucked' Re-Rub)
  5. Bronski Beat - Small Town Boy
  6. Daft Punk - Around The World 2008 (Muttonheads Remix)
  7. DJ Deadswan & Smalltown Boy - Dskasting Gossip Youth (Iconoclastic Bootleg)
  8. Erlend Øye - Sudden Rush (The Twelves Remix)
  9. The Gossip - Standing In The Way Of Control (Original)
  10. The Gossip vs. Dangerous Dan & Nicky Van She - Gossip Around The World Again
  11. Hercules & Love Affair - Blind
  12. Justice - D.A.N.C.E. [MSTRKRFT Remix]
  13. Justice vs. Simian - We Are Your Friends
  14. Klaxons - As Above, So Below (Justice Remix)
  15. The Knife - We Share Our Mothers Health
  16. The Knife - Heartbeats (Rex The Dog Remix)
  17. Kylie Minogue - 2 Hearts (The Twelves Remix)
  18. Ladytron - Destroy Everything You Touch
  19. LCD Soundsystem - Tribulations (Tiga's Out Of The Trance Closet Mix)
  20. Little Boot - Stuck on Repeat
  21. M.I.A. - Boyz (The Twelves Remix)
  22. Madonna vs. Joakim - I Wish The Music Was Gone
  23. Maskinen - Segertåget
  24. Rainer Werner Bassfinder - Minimal Scarf Fuckers Drown!
  25. Róisín Murphy - Overpowered
  26. Røyksopp - Remind Me (DLake Remix v2)
  27. Sebastien Tellier - Sexual Sportswear (Sebastian remix)
  28. Shameboy - Heartcore
  29. Shitdisco - 72 Virgins (Bloody Beetroots Remix)
  30. Wolfmother - Woman (MSTRKRFT Remix)

General Schmidt's electric picks of the now


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Monday, October 13, 2008

A small update.

There is a new contributor to this blog. I was planning on making my own and told my friend Schmidt about it, but instead he asked me to join his blog since he rarely updates it. I thought that this could be a good idea, so here is my first contribution.

A little about me:

I'm just a small town girl who moved to Oslo this summer. I enjoy music, gaming, internet fads, 4channing and other nerd-related activities. I'm a sucker for random humour, beer and snus.

Stop by more often, this blog will be updated more frequently with more loltastic stuff. This is just empty words ofc.

Happy reading.

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Friday, October 10, 2008

SO GOOD I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT COCK



I first thought I should say sorry for not updating my blog, but fuck you, I don't need to apologize to anybody!

Well, well, well. Last saturday DJ Deadswan came to town and brought faggotry in his wake. He tore up the dancefloor at Fincken with some killer tunes and even made me dance. And that is really something he can put in his curriculum vitae. But to say I danced is maybe an overstatement - It was more like frantic jumping and screaming.
I had a great time, and hopes he'll visit Bergen a lot more in the years to come.

But hey! Can you smell that? It's a new mashup, straight out of the oven!
Behold Deadswans latest creation. It is almost as good as to cocks at once.

DJ DEADSWAN & SMALLTOWN BOY
«DSKASTING GOSSIP YOUTH» [ICONOCLASTIC BOOTLEG]





Oh, and Antony & The Johnsons new EP "Another World" is out now. Heartbreaking as always.

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Sunday, August 31, 2008

MIXING STEAK WITH BANANAS




Have you ever raided your fridge for every good food you can find and then mixed them all into a stew? I can tell you that ketchup and peanutbutter are both equally good foods on their own, but if you mix them you'll end up with shit you wouldn't even fed your worst enemy with.
Once I tried caviar, norwegian brown cheeze and olives on dry bread with fish oil. I had to call in sick that day. Well enough with the foods. Unless you're an amoeba you'll get what I'm saying.

But some weird ingredients are just ment to match. Try mixing baile funk with punk, rap and trashy electro, then sprinkle on some bad guitar solos. Let it bake in the hot brazilian sun for a few hours and you will get Bonde Do Role.

I've had their album "With Lazers" for a good year now, but haven't seen the pure genious until today.

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Wednesday, August 27, 2008

THE REASON GAY MEN SHOULD RAP

I'm sick and tired of these rappers that stand there rapping about bitches and money while posing in a tight tank top (or rather without) smeared with baby oil, looking like some freak Tom of Finland gone wrong. And I can't stand these norwegian rappers that try to be ironic and funny, but fail so hard in every aspect. The only way those guys could be funny were if the fell in a meat grinder.....whilst wearing funny hats. I digress.

Meat Cazwell, the homohopper from Massachusetts. His style is frickin awesome, and on top of that he is one fine piece of man! Sure, he could fit a small yacht between his front teeth, but that's what I call easy access. I'm sure most of you allready have heard his hit "All Over Your Face" featuring the utterly mesmerizing Amanda Lepore? Of course you have.

His new single "I Seen Beyonce at Burger King" is the sole reason why gay men should rap. The result is frickin' hilarious!

And beacause I'm the best guy you'll ever know I've sniffed out some great remixes from his previous hit single "Watch My Mouth" for your pleasure. Quite danceable I must say, but don't listen to me since I never ever dance. If you have seen me dance you are a liar! A dirty dirty liar!

Watch My Mouth (Morgan Page Mix)
Watch My Mouth (Risque Mix)
Watch My Mouth (Informatiion Society vs. Josh Peace Re-Edit)
Watch My Mouth (Antony Reale & Funky Junction Gryphon Lipps Mix)




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Monday, August 25, 2008

SUCK MY DIK




Sometimes a breeze, a kind of je ne sais quois, blows from Eastern Europe in Norway's general direction. Most of the time it's just radioactive waste and the clammy smell of prostitutes from Kiev. This time around it came in form of a DIK. Not the kind of meterosexual shaved chanel-smelling dicks you find at Stravinsky. This is a humongous hairy sweaty DIK that's throbbing behind old communist uniform gear just waiting to be slobbed all over.
Thanks to a tip from Deadswan over at Homopopaganda I managed to get me some copies from Robot in Skostredet here in Bergen.
Actually I despise that store with every inch of my body. I gotta say i frickin love the sixties and seventies, but the overpriced retro hipster garments they sell at Robot makes we wanna puch the nearest emo hipster I can find and puke in her purse.

DIK Fagazine is the first and only art magazine from Eastern Europe about homosexuality and masculinity. The magazine is bilingual, polish and english, and is pressed in Poland and distributed around the globe.

Excerpt from DIK FAGAZINE Nr. 4 01/06:

[0 Marcin Rózyc] [SM Slava Mogutin] [BK Brian Kenny]

0 What do you think about Dr Dre? Is he gay?
BK I couldn't care less because he's old and not that good-looking. So fuck him!
SM No way, we are not gonna fuck Dr Dre!
0 Did you have any problems with homophobic rappers?
BK No.
SM Eminem is the sexiest homo(phobic) rapper. We want to fuck Eminem!
BK Yeah, fuck Eminem and let Dr Dre watch...



BK arching over SM


In other words the ever wonderful Heidi Mortenson excecuted a perfect gig at Fincken last saturday. I only got to see a fragment of the show because I was the hot bouncer du jour that night. She made some new fans that night I can tell for sure!



Heidi at her most classy






Check out her myspace!
http://www.myspace.com/heidimortenson

Oh, and here is a little treat for the Madonna-fags out there! I really don't care much for Madonna at all and I really really hate the song Music, but this nice mashup/remix from Kitsuné Maison has been stuck on my mind all day and I guess it's only fair that I share the madness before my brain explode with glittery gayness.

Madonna vs. Joakim - I Wish The Music Was Gone

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Tuesday, August 5, 2008

I WANNA BE THE GOD DAMN FUCKIN' GUY

Wrecking havoc in Hyrule? What is this faggotry?
I can't remember that sword killing me in Zelda.

Hello there, my two readers!

Last friday was my birthday and I can't seem to have received the picture I wished for. What is wrong with you? Well, since I'm at home with granny and the mothership I haven't even spared this blog a single thought...that was until I discovered a little big ridiculous hard game called "I Wanna Be The Guy".

There is lots of videos posted on the web of people screaming their lungs out and tearing off the last straws of hair on their backs in pure rage over how this game is fucking them up.

Let's hear it from the game creator:

I Wanna Be The Guy: The Movie: The Game is a sardonic loveletter to the halcyon days of early American videogaming, packaged as a nail-rippingly difficult platform adventure. Players fill the role of The Kid, a youthful, vaguely Megaman-esque protagonist on a quest to become The Guy. This inscrutable plot, however, is just a vehicle for a wide variety of inventive, well-designed and frustrating jump-and-shoot challenges that pay homage to many of the games you loved as a child. The ever-fragile Kid explodes in a shower of red pixels at the slightest brush from the game's many obstacles, from traditional spikes and bottomless pits to more unconventional killers, such as plantlife and puzzle pieces. 

Using a multiroute layout not unlike a Metroidvania, the game grants a degree of deadly exploration, without those extraneous upgades meant to make life easier. The game provides players with a choice in terms of their deathrate, thanks to a variable difficulty setting that changes the number of save points from frequent to nonexistent. IWBTG is open to all players; knowledge of videogaming history is optional, and may not help against the frequently ironic and always sadistic deathtraps located herein. And so, the question is left up to you... 

Do YOU have what it takes to be The Guy?


I died here at least a zillion times!

I've played this fucker of a game for a few days now and made it past the first boss and then even a little bit further. I've played a lot of games. I even consider myself a hardcore gamer. I grew up with Mega Man, Ghosts 'n Goblins and Castlevania and all these other hard games that kept us up for nights. Not the soft pussy EZ-mode games of today, like Halo, Super Mario Galaxy and GTA.

I gotta say, I frickin' LOVE IWBTG! It's so hard it brings tears to my eyes and if you listen carefully you can hear the veins in my head go "snap crackle pop"

Download it if you dare.

Download it if you wanna be THE GUY!

http://kayin.pyoko.org/iwbtg/downloads.php

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Friday, July 18, 2008

Be patient

I'm not giving up on this blog quite yet.
A few days ago I made a massive wall of text, uploaded some music and threw in a few cool photos and a flash game where you're supposed to get this guy to cum.
Anyway my browser suddenly shut down and the autosaving had failed, thus massive amounts of work had been lost.

The reason because I haven't updated for a while is beacuse I've been diagnosed with cancer and had to stay in the hospital for chemo...naaaaah, just kidding. The real reason is because I'm a lazy and I prefer sitting in the sofa stroking my dick all day instead of doing anything remotely related to work.



As most of you don't know it's my birthday the 1st of August, and I know precisely what I want!
If you go to s-e gallery in Bergen you can buy me this wonderful piece of sexy art for the humble sum of 55000 NOK. I've been drooling over it for quite a while now and I know it would look good on the sauna-esque wooden walls of my living room.

Jockstrap Dog by Slava Mogutin 2005

And while we're on the topic of Slava Mogutin I can reccomend that you all pay his blog and website a visit. You'll find the link at the right hand side of this page.

Huh? Suddenly a new blog entry arose from the ashes of the previous that failed. Don't hold your breath waiting for the next one. Don't expect us for we are the spanish inquisition!

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Friday, July 4, 2008

Couldn't resist!


Róisín Murphy - Let Me Know 12"

  1. A1. "Let Me Know"
  2. A2. "Let Me Know" (Andy Cato Vedra Mix)
  3. B1. "Let Me Know" (Joey Negro's Destination Boogie Vocal)
  4. B2. "Cry Baby" (Paul Oakenfold Remix)




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Tuesday, July 1, 2008

MOAR MEL!!!1


Mel Merio - Domino Dancing (Extended Club Mix)

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I've heard of a place where you're not judged for liking the penis




And now for something completely different.
Fags can get married in Norway.
I'm single. Any takers?

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Monday, June 30, 2008

Jeg er i det harde hjørnet


Anaal Nathrakh - Between Shit And Piss We Are Born

Emperor vs. Thorns - I Am

Emperor - Sworn (Ulver Remix)

...men jeg har alltid tid til å være søt:

Björk vs. Muse - Hidden Place Is Running Out

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Mel Merio & The Menstruation Monsters





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Sunday, June 29, 2008

Fugl Fønix

En gang i tiden hadde jeg en blogg.

Mest sannsynlig så har du aldri hørt om den, og enda mindre er sjansene for at du har lest den. Den levde i ca. en måned før moderatorene hadde fått nok av klager fra lesere som mente bloggen min var støtende, kvalmende og direkte nihilistisk.

Jeg har ingen planer om å starte det korstoget igjen.

Etter en langweekend i Oslo der jeg har loka rundt og sanert gjeld på de fleste utestedene i byen for flatbankere og rævfresere så bestemte jeg meg for å starte opp en blogg igjen. Varsellampene lyste i hodet mitt før jeg fikk den geniale idéen å bare legge ut random shit av musikk, film, bilder og annet kopibeskyttet materiale, og på toppen av det hele (siden jeg ikke liker noen av dere) kan det hende jeg legger ut flaue historier, bilder og sjokkerende avisoppslag med tilknytning til mitt nitriste sexliv der kjipe one night stands og svett klaustrosex med ølpikk er gjengangere.

Ting som kiler i mellomkjøttet mitt pr. dags dato:

Larry Tee - Hipster Girl

Tae K - Stay Fly Mega Man (3-6 Mafia - Stay Fly / Mega Man 2 - Metal Man)

Santogold - My Superman (mmmathias Remix)

Moby - Alice (Drop The Lime Heavy Bass Remix)

Justice - Stress (Auto Remix)

Jethro Tull - Aqualung

Daft Punk - Around The World (Laromlabs 2ao3 Mix)

Jeffree Star - Eyelash Curlers & Butcher Knives [What's The Difference?]

Sebastian Tellier - Sexual Sportswear (SebastiAn Remix)

Kavinsky - Testarossa Autodrive (SebastiAn Remix)

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