MIXING STEAK WITH BANANAS

Have you ever raided your fridge for every good food you can find and then mixed them all into a stew? I can tell you that ketchup and peanutbutter are both equally good foods on their own, but if you mix them you'll end up with shit you wouldn't even fed your worst enemy with.
Once I tried caviar, norwegian brown cheeze and olives on dry bread with fish oil. I had to call in sick that day. Well enough with the foods. Unless you're an amoeba you'll get what I'm saying.

But some weird ingredients are just ment to match. Try mixing baile funk with punk, rap and trashy electro, then sprinkle on some bad guitar solos. Let it bake in the hot brazilian sun for a few hours and you will get Bonde Do Role.

I've had their album "With Lazers" for a good year now, but haven't seen the pure genious until today.

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THE REASON GAY MEN SHOULD RAP

I'm sick and tired of these rappers that stand there rapping about bitches and money while posing in a tight tank top (or rather without) smeared with baby oil, looking like some freak Tom of Finland gone wrong. And I can't stand these norwegian rappers that try to be ironic and funny, but fail so hard in every aspect. The only way those guys could be funny were if the fell in a meat grinder.....whilst wearing funny hats. I digress.

Meat Cazwell, the homohopper from Massachusetts. His style is frickin awesome, and on top of that he is one fine piece of man! Sure, he could fit a small yacht between his front teeth, but that's what I call easy access. I'm sure most of you allready have heard his hit "All Over Your Face" featuring the utterly mesmerizing Amanda Lepore? Of course you have.

His new single "I Seen Beyonce at Burger King" is the sole reason why gay men should rap. The result is frickin' hilarious!

And beacause I'm the best guy you'll ever know I've sniffed out some great remixes from his previous hit single "Watch My Mouth" for your pleasure. Quite danceable I must say, but don't listen to me since I never ever dance. If you have seen me dance you are a liar! A dirty dirty liar!

Watch My Mouth (Morgan Page Mix)
Watch My Mouth (Risque Mix)
Watch My Mouth (Informatiion Society vs. Josh Peace Re-Edit)
Watch My Mouth (Antony Reale & Funky Junction Gryphon Lipps Mix)

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SUCK MY DIK

Sometimes a breeze, a kind of je ne sais quois, blows from Eastern Europe in Norway's general direction. Most of the time it's just radioactive waste and the clammy smell of prostitutes from Kiev. This time around it came in form of a DIK. Not the kind of meterosexual shaved chanel-smelling dicks you find at Stravinsky. This is a humongous hairy sweaty DIK that's throbbing behind old communist uniform gear just waiting to be slobbed all over.
Thanks to a tip from Deadswan over at Homopopaganda I managed to get me some copies from Robot in Skostredet here in Bergen.
Actually I despise that store with every inch of my body. I gotta say i frickin love the sixties and seventies, but the overpriced retro hipster garments they sell at Robot makes we wanna puch the nearest emo hipster I can find and puke in her purse.

DIK Fagazine is the first and only art magazine from Eastern Europe about homosexuality and masculinity. The magazine is bilingual, polish and english, and is pressed in Poland and distributed around the globe.

Excerpt from DIK FAGAZINE Nr. 4 01/06:

[0 Marcin Rózyc] [SM Slava Mogutin] [BK Brian Kenny]

0 What do you think about Dr Dre? Is he gay?
BK I couldn't care less because he's old and not that good-looking. So fuck him!
SM No way, we are not gonna fuck Dr Dre!
0 Did you have any problems with homophobic rappers?
BK No.
SM Eminem is the sexiest homo(phobic) rapper. We want to fuck Eminem!
BK Yeah, fuck Eminem and let Dr Dre watch...

BK arching over SM

In other words the ever wonderful Heidi Mortenson excecuted a perfect gig at Fincken last saturday. I only got to see a fragment of the show because I was the hot bouncer du jour that night. She made some new fans that night I can tell for sure!

Heidi at her most classy

Check out her myspace!
http://www.myspace.com/heidimortenson

Oh, and here is a little treat for the Madonna-fags out there! I really don't care much for Madonna at all and I really really hate the song Music, but this nice mashup/remix from Kitsuné Maison has been stuck on my mind all day and I guess it's only fair that I share the madness before my brain explode with glittery gayness.

Madonna vs. Joakim - I Wish The Music Was Gone

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I WANNA BE THE GOD DAMN FUCKIN' GUY

Wrecking havoc in Hyrule? What is this faggotry?

I can't remember that sword killing me in Zelda.

Hello there, my two readers!

Last friday was my birthday and I can't seem to have received the picture I wished for. What is wrong with you? Well, since I'm at home with granny and the mothership I haven't even spared this blog a single thought...that was until I discovered a little big ridiculous hard game called "I Wanna Be The Guy".

There is lots of videos posted on the web of people screaming their lungs out and tearing off the last straws of hair on their backs in pure rage over how this game is fucking them up.

Let's hear it from the game creator:

I Wanna Be The Guy: The Movie: The Game is a sardonic loveletter to the halcyon days of early American videogaming, packaged as a nail-rippingly difficult platform adventure. Players fill the role of The Kid, a youthful, vaguely Megaman-esque protagonist on a quest to become The Guy. This inscrutable plot, however, is just a vehicle for a wide variety of inventive, well-designed and frustrating jump-and-shoot challenges that pay homage to many of the games you loved as a child. The ever-fragile Kid explodes in a shower of red pixels at the slightest brush from the game's many obstacles, from traditional spikes and bottomless pits to more unconventional killers, such as plantlife and puzzle pieces. 

Using a multiroute layout not unlike a Metroidvania, the game grants a degree of deadly exploration, without those extraneous upgades meant to make life easier. The game provides players with a choice in terms of their deathrate, thanks to a variable difficulty setting that changes the number of save points from frequent to nonexistent. IWBTG is open to all players; knowledge of videogaming history is optional, and may not help against the frequently ironic and always sadistic deathtraps located herein. And so, the question is left up to you... 

Do YOU have what it takes to be The Guy?

I died here at least a zillion times!

I've played this fucker of a game for a few days now and made it past the first boss and then even a little bit further. I've played a lot of games. I even consider myself a hardcore gamer. I grew up with Mega Man, Ghosts 'n Goblins and Castlevania and all these other hard games that kept us up for nights. Not the soft pussy EZ-mode games of today, like Halo, Super Mario Galaxy and GTA.

I gotta say, I frickin' LOVE IWBTG! It's so hard it brings tears to my eyes and if you listen carefully you can hear the veins in my head go "snap crackle pop"

Download it if you dare.

Download it if you wanna be THE GUY!

http://kayin.pyoko.org/iwbtg/downloads.php

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