HOLY SHIT THE ECONOMY IS FUCKED

And I crack corn and I don't care. I hope it won't affect me in any way cuz I can't live without my double cortado, my beer, my snus and my music. Let's use Norway's oil fund to prevent an economic collapse. But what do I know? I don't know shit about politics and money, so why do I even write about it? Because I wanted a cool headline for today.

I'm doing something I've been afraid of doing in this blog today. I'm gonna give you a new treat from my all time goddess Björk. The reason why I've restrained myself from doing it earlier is because I would snapped and made this blog into a Björk fansite. When it comes to her I simply can't restraint myself, so I'll try make this short and simple.

Björk has recorded again a new song with Radiohead singer Thom Yorke. Björk wrote the song called 'Naturra' as a protest against the Industrialization in Iceland. This single should be available from next week.

Nattura.info is also a website about the hotspots in Iceland.

It isn't the first time that Björk and Thom Yorke work together. Previously they recorded the song 'I've Seen It All'. This song can be found on the 'Dancer In The Dark' soundtrack.

The song features Thom Yorke wailing in the background and Brian Chippendale's extatic drumming on top of it all. It's a fan-fuckin-tastic track which I guess marks the end of the Volta era. Maybe she could buy Iceland now that it's on the verge of economic breakdown and become the queen of it? You see? My mind starts wandering already! I'll stop.

I've also taken some time to make a little collection of my favorite electric tracks at the moment. Some old, some new, but they're all good. I hope you'll enjoy them as much as I have.

1. Annie - Heartbeat (MSTRKRFT Remix)
2. Armand Van Helden - NYC Beat (GhettoRuckus Gets Lost In LA And Meets 3 Sexy Hookers Who Like KFC Edit)
3. Boys Noize - And Down
4. Britney Spears - Womanizer (Tommie Sunshine's 'Holy Shit, The Economy Is Fucked' Re-Rub)
5. Bronski Beat - Small Town Boy
6. Daft Punk - Around The World 2008 (Muttonheads Remix)
7. DJ Deadswan & Smalltown Boy - Dskasting Gossip Youth (Iconoclastic Bootleg)
8. Erlend Øye - Sudden Rush (The Twelves Remix)
9. The Gossip - Standing In The Way Of Control (Original)
10. The Gossip vs. Dangerous Dan & Nicky Van She - Gossip Around The World Again
11. Hercules & Love Affair - Blind
12. Justice - D.A.N.C.E. [MSTRKRFT Remix]
13. Justice vs. Simian - We Are Your Friends
14. Klaxons - As Above, So Below (Justice Remix)
15. The Knife - We Share Our Mothers Health
16. The Knife - Heartbeats (Rex The Dog Remix)
17. Kylie Minogue - 2 Hearts (The Twelves Remix)
18. Ladytron - Destroy Everything You Touch
19. LCD Soundsystem - Tribulations (Tiga's Out Of The Trance Closet Mix)
20. Little Boot - Stuck on Repeat
21. M.I.A. - Boyz (The Twelves Remix)
22. Madonna vs. Joakim - I Wish The Music Was Gone
23. Maskinen - Segertåget
24. Rainer Werner Bassfinder - Minimal Scarf Fuckers Drown!
25. Róisín Murphy - Overpowered
26. Røyksopp - Remind Me (DLake Remix v2)
27. Sebastien Tellier - Sexual Sportswear (Sebastian remix)
28. Shameboy - Heartcore
29. Shitdisco - 72 Virgins (Bloody Beetroots Remix)
30. Wolfmother - Woman (MSTRKRFT Remix)

General Schmidt's electric picks of the now

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A small update.

There is a new contributor to this blog. I was planning on making my own and told my friend Schmidt about it, but instead he asked me to join his blog since he rarely updates it. I thought that this could be a good idea, so here is my first contribution.

A little about me:

I'm just a small town girl who moved to Oslo this summer. I enjoy music, gaming, internet fads, 4channing and other nerd-related activities. I'm a sucker for random humour, beer and snus.

Stop by more often, this blog will be updated more frequently with more loltastic stuff. This is just empty words ofc.

Happy reading.

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SO GOOD I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT COCK

I first thought I should say sorry for not updating my blog, but fuck you, I don't need to apologize to anybody!

Well, well, well. Last saturday DJ Deadswan came to town and brought faggotry in his wake. He tore up the dancefloor at Fincken with some killer tunes and even made me dance. And that is really something he can put in his curriculum vitae. But to say I danced is maybe an overstatement - It was more like frantic jumping and screaming.
I had a great time, and hopes he'll visit Bergen a lot more in the years to come.

But hey! Can you smell that? It's a new mashup, straight out of the oven!
Behold Deadswans latest creation. It is almost as good as to cocks at once.

DJ DEADSWAN & SMALLTOWN BOY
«DSKASTING GOSSIP YOUTH» [ICONOCLASTIC BOOTLEG]

Oh, and Antony & The Johnsons new EP "Another World" is out now. Heartbreaking as always.

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MIXING STEAK WITH BANANAS

Have you ever raided your fridge for every good food you can find and then mixed them all into a stew? I can tell you that ketchup and peanutbutter are both equally good foods on their own, but if you mix them you'll end up with shit you wouldn't even fed your worst enemy with.
Once I tried caviar, norwegian brown cheeze and olives on dry bread with fish oil. I had to call in sick that day. Well enough with the foods. Unless you're an amoeba you'll get what I'm saying.

But some weird ingredients are just ment to match. Try mixing baile funk with punk, rap and trashy electro, then sprinkle on some bad guitar solos. Let it bake in the hot brazilian sun for a few hours and you will get Bonde Do Role.

I've had their album "With Lazers" for a good year now, but haven't seen the pure genious until today.

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THE REASON GAY MEN SHOULD RAP

I'm sick and tired of these rappers that stand there rapping about bitches and money while posing in a tight tank top (or rather without) smeared with baby oil, looking like some freak Tom of Finland gone wrong. And I can't stand these norwegian rappers that try to be ironic and funny, but fail so hard in every aspect. The only way those guys could be funny were if the fell in a meat grinder.....whilst wearing funny hats. I digress.

Meat Cazwell, the homohopper from Massachusetts. His style is frickin awesome, and on top of that he is one fine piece of man! Sure, he could fit a small yacht between his front teeth, but that's what I call easy access. I'm sure most of you allready have heard his hit "All Over Your Face" featuring the utterly mesmerizing Amanda Lepore? Of course you have.

His new single "I Seen Beyonce at Burger King" is the sole reason why gay men should rap. The result is frickin' hilarious!

And beacause I'm the best guy you'll ever know I've sniffed out some great remixes from his previous hit single "Watch My Mouth" for your pleasure. Quite danceable I must say, but don't listen to me since I never ever dance. If you have seen me dance you are a liar! A dirty dirty liar!

Watch My Mouth (Morgan Page Mix)
Watch My Mouth (Risque Mix)
Watch My Mouth (Informatiion Society vs. Josh Peace Re-Edit)
Watch My Mouth (Antony Reale & Funky Junction Gryphon Lipps Mix)

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SUCK MY DIK

Sometimes a breeze, a kind of je ne sais quois, blows from Eastern Europe in Norway's general direction. Most of the time it's just radioactive waste and the clammy smell of prostitutes from Kiev. This time around it came in form of a DIK. Not the kind of meterosexual shaved chanel-smelling dicks you find at Stravinsky. This is a humongous hairy sweaty DIK that's throbbing behind old communist uniform gear just waiting to be slobbed all over.
Thanks to a tip from Deadswan over at Homopopaganda I managed to get me some copies from Robot in Skostredet here in Bergen.
Actually I despise that store with every inch of my body. I gotta say i frickin love the sixties and seventies, but the overpriced retro hipster garments they sell at Robot makes we wanna puch the nearest emo hipster I can find and puke in her purse.

DIK Fagazine is the first and only art magazine from Eastern Europe about homosexuality and masculinity. The magazine is bilingual, polish and english, and is pressed in Poland and distributed around the globe.

Excerpt from DIK FAGAZINE Nr. 4 01/06:

[0 Marcin Rózyc] [SM Slava Mogutin] [BK Brian Kenny]

0 What do you think about Dr Dre? Is he gay?
BK I couldn't care less because he's old and not that good-looking. So fuck him!
SM No way, we are not gonna fuck Dr Dre!
0 Did you have any problems with homophobic rappers?
BK No.
SM Eminem is the sexiest homo(phobic) rapper. We want to fuck Eminem!
BK Yeah, fuck Eminem and let Dr Dre watch...

BK arching over SM

In other words the ever wonderful Heidi Mortenson excecuted a perfect gig at Fincken last saturday. I only got to see a fragment of the show because I was the hot bouncer du jour that night. She made some new fans that night I can tell for sure!

Heidi at her most classy

Check out her myspace!
http://www.myspace.com/heidimortenson

Oh, and here is a little treat for the Madonna-fags out there! I really don't care much for Madonna at all and I really really hate the song Music, but this nice mashup/remix from Kitsuné Maison has been stuck on my mind all day and I guess it's only fair that I share the madness before my brain explode with glittery gayness.

Madonna vs. Joakim - I Wish The Music Was Gone

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I WANNA BE THE GOD DAMN FUCKIN' GUY

Wrecking havoc in Hyrule? What is this faggotry?

I can't remember that sword killing me in Zelda.

Hello there, my two readers!

Last friday was my birthday and I can't seem to have received the picture I wished for. What is wrong with you? Well, since I'm at home with granny and the mothership I haven't even spared this blog a single thought...that was until I discovered a little big ridiculous hard game called "I Wanna Be The Guy".

There is lots of videos posted on the web of people screaming their lungs out and tearing off the last straws of hair on their backs in pure rage over how this game is fucking them up.

Let's hear it from the game creator:

I Wanna Be The Guy: The Movie: The Game is a sardonic loveletter to the halcyon days of early American videogaming, packaged as a nail-rippingly difficult platform adventure. Players fill the role of The Kid, a youthful, vaguely Megaman-esque protagonist on a quest to become The Guy. This inscrutable plot, however, is just a vehicle for a wide variety of inventive, well-designed and frustrating jump-and-shoot challenges that pay homage to many of the games you loved as a child. The ever-fragile Kid explodes in a shower of red pixels at the slightest brush from the game's many obstacles, from traditional spikes and bottomless pits to more unconventional killers, such as plantlife and puzzle pieces. 

Using a multiroute layout not unlike a Metroidvania, the game grants a degree of deadly exploration, without those extraneous upgades meant to make life easier. The game provides players with a choice in terms of their deathrate, thanks to a variable difficulty setting that changes the number of save points from frequent to nonexistent. IWBTG is open to all players; knowledge of videogaming history is optional, and may not help against the frequently ironic and always sadistic deathtraps located herein. And so, the question is left up to you... 

Do YOU have what it takes to be The Guy?

I died here at least a zillion times!

I've played this fucker of a game for a few days now and made it past the first boss and then even a little bit further. I've played a lot of games. I even consider myself a hardcore gamer. I grew up with Mega Man, Ghosts 'n Goblins and Castlevania and all these other hard games that kept us up for nights. Not the soft pussy EZ-mode games of today, like Halo, Super Mario Galaxy and GTA.

I gotta say, I frickin' LOVE IWBTG! It's so hard it brings tears to my eyes and if you listen carefully you can hear the veins in my head go "snap crackle pop"

Download it if you dare.

Download it if you wanna be THE GUY!

http://kayin.pyoko.org/iwbtg/downloads.php

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